The main attraction to eating at a “greasy spoon” diner is to hear the delightful lingo the servers use to relay your order to the cooks. Many people will often order second and third meals just to hear the servers yell and then discreetly throw away the food. Here is a guide to their secret language:

Order: Double cheeseburger, medium rare, with pickles
Diner Speak: Double hockey puck made of meat with a pink soul and zombie nickels

Order: Turkey sandwich on rye, no mayo
Diner Speak: Professor Gobblington with a PhD in the economics of foreign grain markets, send the white stranger packing

Order: Two eggs, scrambled, with bacon and coffee, cream and sugar
Diner Speak: Twin albino footballs meet with a tragic accident, send the mother a crispy flag and fill the dark night with the first tragically beautiful snowfall of winter

Order: Pancakes
Diner Speak: Lil’ Sweetie Flat Breads starring Shirley Temple (1934)

Order: Pot roast
Diner Speak: Roast, pot-style