What You'll Get
Jump to: Reviews | Coming This Fall: Goosed!
Ditch your bottles, cans, and solo Solo cups for glassware, friends, and frank conversation with today's Groupon to Absolutli Goosed. You get $35 worth of culinary cocktails and snacks for $15. Let the buzzing atmosphere and liquor-wafted evening play muse to your inner mixologist and request whatever concoction you fancy. Whatever you choose, it’s likely to be on Absolutli Goosed's exhaustive and innovative drink menu ($6 and up).
The friendly bartenders at Goosed will stir, shake, and pour their way into your heart. Warm up with one of Goosed's famous Bloody Marys (Riverfront Times calls them the best), including one made with house-infused garlic and peppercorn vodka and its spicy sister, a jalapeno and serrano vodka. Stay chill with a Cool Hand Cuke (house-infused cucumber vodka straight up) and meet new friends when you offer to share spinach and artichoke dip with chips ($7) or hummus with pita and veggies ($8) with you neighbors. Sweet-teeth will love the Ultimate Chocolate (Skyy, Godiva dark chocolate, Bailey's, dark creme de cacao, a float of Chambord and a chocolate rim) or a seasonal treat like the caramel apple (Skyy, sour apple liqueur, caramel sauce, and a caramel rim). With traditional and fruity flavored Long Island iced teas, margaritas, and mojitos, you'll easily find your favorite classic with a surprising Goosed twist—it's like watching Groundhog Day a million times, then suddenly noticing your dad is in it. If you're snackish before 10 p.m., get the garlic cheese bread with marinara ($6) or the chicken wings with ranch and salsa ($1 each, minimum of four), or fill up on chips and salsa ($4) all night long.
Merely holding a martini glass, whether grasped daintily by the stem with a pinkie up or dangling from between your middle and index fingers, makes you appear refined and nonchalant, regardless of whether you sip slowly or throw drinks back with abandon. Expertly mixed cocktails won't stain your teeth like wine or fill you up like beer, and you can get them as strong or weak as you like, leavened with ice or untainted by a drop of water. Cocktails with friends provide healthy heft to everyone's ego, just before the evening's art heist. Cruel insults are perceived as biting wit and a grumpy demeanor, the height of charm, when punctuated by a classic cocktail or British accent. Test the flirty waters at a tipsy table for two without risking sober embarrassment, celebrate good news without sounding like a braggart, or break bad news on a pillow of maraschino cherries.
Sauce magazine readers chose Absolutli Goosed as their favorite place for cocktails three years in a row and Riverfront Times hails it as serving the best Bloody Mary. Citysearchers named it the best happy hour of 2007:
- And whatever you do, make certain you drink the mary at Absolutli Goosed. . . . Goosed's excellent bartenders will make yours however you like, from "xmild" (super-tomatoey and soothing) to "hot" (order a glass of water now). Whether you order yours up or on the rocks, do throw in a nice garnish—the traditional celery stalk, or maybe a couple of snappy pickled green beans. – Riverfront Times
- It is the magazine-style menu with more than 100 different martini options, most of which are not available anyplace else in the city, that has earned Spear and co-owner Deb Ransom a faithful following. – Stacey Rynders, Sauce
- The drinks were always good but now the place looks better and the service is AWESOME!! They have so many martinis, I reccommend [sic] going with some friends, ordering several drinks and just splitting them all that way you can try more than one. – kat807, Citysearch
- The eye-popping list of martinis and clever names assigned to each one make for a great conversation and relaxing atmosphere. . . . The service is prompt, helpful and always in great spirits. – abs20, Citysearch
Coming This Fall: Goosed!
For the well-rounded connoisseur, you can always pair your upscale cocktail with a middlebrow belly laugh, this fall on TV's Goosed! This hilarious new prank show targets societies stuffiest citizens by springing a very hidden, very irate goose on them in everyday situations. If the tension is killing you, here are a few spoilers so you'll know when and where the squawking surprise is coming.
- The Millionaires Cotillion: Several local millionaires have been invited to a fancy dinner party and are expecting a productive brainstorm about practical steps to combat the looming specter of climate change. Watch the monocles fly when their goose-shaped marzipan centerpiece turns out to be Reggie, a partially-domesticated Tufted Roman. Goosed!
- The Operating Theater: Dr. Ben Schiffer, a renowned cardiologist, thinks he's performing a lifesaving coronary artery bypass graft on a low-level Senatorial aide, who happens to be the only person who can disarm a stolen experimental solar-flare machine. Little does Dr. Schiffer know that the only thing waiting for him in the O.R. is one bite-happy Greylag. Goosed!
- The Christmas Episode: Santa knows if you've been bad or good, but does he know we've replaced his eight reindeer with a half-mad flock of Steinbach Fighting Geese? Rated M for Majorly Goosed! and bloodloss.
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The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Nov 24, 2010. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per table, 2 for groups of 4 or more. May buy multiple as gifts. Not valid with other offers. Must redeem in 1 visit. Tax & gratuity not included. Must be age 21 or older, must bring photo ID. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.