In the future, microwave-oven robots will rule supreme, forcing all humans and less powerful convection-oven robots to eat meals in Hot Pocket form. Prepare to join the culinary resistance with today's Groupon to Baltimore Health Coach. Choose between the following options:
- For $20, you get a cooking class of your choice (a $40 value).
For $69, you get a seven-day at-home cleanse (a $140 value).
Baltimore Health Coach knows that people's time can be just as valuable as their health. Turn cookbooks into cooktomes of speedy meals by grabbing a seat on April 3 for Digestive Healing Series: Grain-Free Baking with Nut Flours, a cooking demo that is followed by an interactive discussion and an irresistible tasting. Students will leave with the recipes and the confidence to prepare any one of the dishes demonstrated by the instructor, plus they'll be free to add their own variations, like toothpick-and-marshmallow satellites or magazine plates that cut down on dishes. Alternatively, curiosity about home-grown cuisine is satisfied at The Sprouting Class on May 3, and the changing seasons yield entries such as the Kick Sugar Series: The Spring Cooking Demo on May 7 and the Confident Cook Series: Summer BBQ on May 23.
The seven-day cleanse seeks to provide its charges with increased energy, a healthier diet, a purging of toxins, and the ability to toss reflectively wrapped snacks into low orbit to form uplifting, health-conscious constellations. The purification process is guided online and throughout the course of three group conference calls with health coaches, the first to set up the logistics of the cleanse, the second to check in at the middle of the process, and the last to discuss the results and encourage maintenance of healthy practices moving forward. Cleanse participants will need some Internet savvy in order to participate in online forums and may be required to make long-distance phone calls to participate. The spring cleanse begins April 6 and seeks to depopulate internal dust-bunny nests and move cluttering calories into the dietary basement.