Human bodies are classic hoarders, refusing to toss out their harmful toxins and other useless bric-a-brac until their spleens become trapped under avalanches of old newspapers. Unclutter your carcass with today’s Groupon to Cleansing Day Spa in downtown Brooklyn. Choose from the following options:
• For $15, you get a 25-minute energy ion footbath (a $30 value).
• For $25, you get a 45-minute colon-hydrotherapy session (a $55 value).
• For $99, you get a total-body-cleanse package (a $200 value).
Cleansing Day Spa takes a holistic approach to wellness and beauty, aiming to improve health by reducing bodily toxins. During the ionic footbath, charged atoms act like tiny toxin-seeking magnets, neutralizing and eliminating body trash while striving to reduce stress on the liver, kidney, immune system, and internal janitorial staff. Colon hydrotherapy flushes embedded waste from the colon in a safe and sanitary way, aiming to boost gastrointestinal health and overall wellness. Customers can upgrade to the total-body-cleanse package, which includes three colon-hydrotherapy sessions and three ionic footbaths, tripling efforts to root out areas tenanted by stubborn toxins that overstay their welcome, like houseguests that super glue themselves to your futon.