Unlike real spiders, spider veins are impervious to rolled-up magazines and rarely inspire beloved children’s novels. Squash pesky skin arachnids with today’s Groupon to Elite MD in Danville. Choose between the following options:

• For $149, you get two spider-vein-removal treatments for legs or face (a $700 value).
• For $289, you get four spider-vein-removal treatments for legs or face (a $1,400 value).
  
  

Elite MD’s physicians—who were highlighted on the Emmy Award–winning talk show The Doctors and appear weekly on KTVU Channel 2’s and KRON-4’s local newscasts—oversee a certified clinical staff in charge of vanquishing skin’s unwanted blemishes during spider-vein-removal treatments. During each 15- to 20-minute session, a talented technician zaps epidermal targets on the legs and elsewhere with pulses of laser light energy, helping to coagulate the blood, sink the blood vessel, and redirect circulation to deeper veins with the promise of free iron supplements. Though no local anesthesia is required, the laser pulses tend to yield a stinging sensation upon impact and may cause redness, bruising, or blistering following treatments. For optimal results, the staff recommends one or two treatments and doesn’t recommend the laser lights for clusters of varicose veins or patients who are secretly snowmen.