Giving yourself a massage, like throwing yourself a surprise birthday party or asking for your own hand in marriage, is a surefire disappointment. Leave kneading to the knowledgeable with today's Groupon: for $49, you get a 90-minute Swedish massage and reflexology session at Gateway Center Massage in Staten Island (a $110 value).

Gateway Center Massage calms tense backs with 45 minutes of soothing Swedish massage followed by 45 minutes of targeted pressure-point activations in a reflexology session. Massage therapists apply soothing Swedish strokes to extremities, slowly dissipating stress until bodies feel as relaxed as a seal slumbering in a velvet hammock. Light pressure increases muscular circulation while reducing fatigue, restoring bodies to factory condition. Massage therapists versed in reflexology then apply firm pressure to areas on the feet that correspond to problem areas, attempting to hot-wire patrons’ qi to promote whole-body health. After finishing the 90-minute pampering, patrons leave the serene spa environment feeling revitalized and energetic enough to challenge passing wrestlers to shouting contests.