The Tooth Fairy is a burglarizing fetishist specializing in black-market ivory trade, and she must be stopped. Today’s Groupon helps keep teeth in mouths and out of the hands of maniacal, winged phantasms: for $64, you get a dental exam, a standard cleaning, and x-rays (a $313 total value) at Lloyd Center Dental Care. The professional staff of mouthbone mollifiers offers tooth-treating service in a friendly setting. During your dental exam, cuspids and molars undergo intense scrutiny to ensure their overall health and general can-chew attitude. Pearly whites are made even pearlier with a thorough scrubbing to remove buildup, polish teeth, and improve diction. Lastly, diagnostic x-rays are taken and may reveal latent decay, tumors, bone loss, or problems below the gum line, proving their worth as more than just a high-scoring Scrabble option.

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