What You'll Get
Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Fool friends and foes with today's Groupon to Surgitrim. Choose between the following options:
- For $99, you get three Smooth Shapes cellulite treatments (a $300 value).
- For $199, you get six Smooth Shapes cellulite treatments (a $600 value).
Under the guidance of Dr. Calvin Williams, the licensed technicians at Surgitrim smooth and tighten skin using FDA-approved Smooth Shapes equipment designed to combat cellulite. Patients relax as staff members guide a shaping contraption over epidermal terrain, the machine's double-roller mechanism working to knead away dimples, creases, and impacted meteors. The noninvasive 30- to 90-minute procedure can leave skin firmer and smoother on any area, but patients typically opt for treatment on the thighs, the hips, or the buttocks. The procedure feels vaguely like a deep-tissue massage, requires no downtime, and has no side effects other than next-day soreness and temporary knowledge of all Gilbert and Sullivan lyrics. Maximum results normally require 8–10 treatments.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Mar 8, 2012. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy 1 additional as a gift. Valid only for option purchased. Treatments are non-transferable. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.