Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Fool friends and foes with today's Groupon to Surgitrim. Choose between the following options:
- For $99, you get three Smooth Shapes cellulite treatments (a $300 value).
- For $199, you get six Smooth Shapes cellulite treatments (a $600 value).
Under the guidance of Dr. Calvin Williams, the licensed technicians at Surgitrim smooth and tighten skin using FDA-approved Smooth Shapes equipment designed to combat cellulite. Patients relax as staff members guide a shaping contraption over epidermal terrain, the machine's double-roller mechanism working to knead away dimples, creases, and impacted meteors. The noninvasive 30- to 90-minute procedure can leave skin firmer and smoother on any area, but patients typically opt for treatment on the thighs, the hips, or the buttocks. The procedure feels vaguely like a deep-tissue massage, requires no downtime, and has no side effects other than next-day soreness and temporary knowledge of all Gilbert and Sullivan lyrics. Maximum results normally require 8–10 treatments.