A night out at the local drinking hutch doesn’t really count unless a rowdy bar fight breaks out. Follow this checklist to make sure you’re doing the bar fight right:

• Upend a table of drinks, getting everyone all wet and mad
  
• Break a pool cue over a big guy’s back who doesn’t feel it but then turns around and he’s mad too
  
• Throw a haymaker
  
• Drink (?) a haymaker
  
• Kick a guy by swinging from a chandelier, then celebrate briefly before getting a bottle broken over your head
  
• Eat two or three of somebody else’s mozzarella sticks
  
• Get tossed out a window onto the sidewalk, scaring a lady passerby, then calm her with a tip of your hat and a “Ma’am”
  
• Walk off into the fog of night with a few new scars and the sweet taste of mozzarella in your mouth