In the wild, animals must protect themselves so they can survive long enough to one day willingly supply humans with their nutritious bodies. Here's how some creatures manage to stay alive:

Pig: Emits a strong, unpleasant odor that smells like burned bacon that was also maybe dropped on the floor once or twice

Cow: Skin becomes translucent in order to display the animal's delicious-looking insides and lure its attacker closer. Once the attacker is near, the cow hopes it will realize how pitiful and defenseless cows really are and then just leave it alone.

Chicken: Throws up a bunch

Dogs: Spend years—years—pretending they give a single guff what you have to say

Hamster: Balls itself up to look like a disgusting, hairy corn dog