There's no shame in eating alone in public, as long as no one can tell you're eating alone. Here are some things you can say loudly to trick everyone in the restaurant:

• "Oh, come out from under the table. There's no use throwing a fit over how popular I am."
  

• “My friend who I’m eating with liked the food so much, she decided to go to the kitchen to see how it’s made. She’s very impulsive and I’m fine with it.”
  

• "I guess this is why people don't invite their mailmen out to lunch —they keep leaving to deliver all that mail!"
  

• “That’s a very convincing scarecrow costume. Even better than the mannequin costume you wore to dinner yesterday. More wine?”
  

• “My date is in the bathroom, and anyone who insinuates otherwise should feel ashamed of themselves. Just eat your food and forget about them, my date would say. Do not seek revenge, not again. Not like before.”