Though VCR machines are starting to lose popularity because of DVDs, there are still millions of people using them right at this very moment. If you're one of those millions and you're having problems, consult this handy VCR troubleshooting guide:

PROBLEM: The picture looks fuzzy.
SOLUTION: Though a loose connection could be at fault, it's much more likely that this fuzziness is due to a buildup of hair. Get rid of that hair the easy way—by poking around inside your VCR with a lit candle.

PROBLEM: There's a picture, but no sound plays.
SOLUTION: If you remembered to feed the VCR machine both the video and audio cassettes, then the culprit is definitely the hair. Did you not light the candle before poking around? If you definitely lit the candle, then something you ate made your hair resistant to flames and you'll have to get it out by wedging your head into the VCR and hoping the hair eventually reattaches itself to your scalp.

PROBLEM: The VCR is on fire.
SOLUTION: There's no way to determine how this fire started, but IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF THE LIT-CANDLE SUGGESTION. To put it out, let the fire run its course. Now your VCR has been fire-cleaned!

PROBLEM: I get headaches while viewing movies.
SOLUTION: You're actually watching a DVD, which produces an irritatingly clear picture. Get rid of the DVD machine right away by smashing it with your durable, eternally useful VCR.