Booking your body double a beautifying treatment at a tranquil day spa creates a soundproof alibi for days spent stealing office supplies from the National Guard. Make your stand-in stand out and replace your tape with bazooka putty with today’s Groupon to Cortexx Salon. Choose between two options:

• For $15, you get a basic cut and styling that includes shampoo, conditioning, and a blow-dry (a $30 value). For an additional $10, this Groupon can be upgraded to include a detailed styling.
• For $30, you get a one-hour European massage (a $60 value). For an additional $10, this Groupon can be used toward a hot-stone massage.

Cortexx Salon offers a wide range of luxurious treatments to beautify and relax the body. A relaxing European massage can relieve deep-rooted muscle aches that have sprouted into full-blown tension trees ($1/minute). A trained massage therapist will use long, stress-killing strokes, kneads, and friction techniques that can improve blood flow and range of motion, and for an extra $10, massage mongers can upgrade to a warm and rocky hot-stone massage.

Unruly coifs can succumb to Cortexx’s expert tress-tamers for a basic cut and styling that includes a body-enhancing shampoo, conditioning, and blow-dry. For an added $10, a legion of ironworkers are brought in to employ flat irons, hot ovens, or pressing combs for a detailed styling that also includes an up-do, tasteful braiding, french twists, hot rollers, or bathroom-caulking tips.