Without weight-loss treatments, people would flock to low-gravity planets to hide saggy love handles from judgmental aliens. Lose weight the Earth-bound way with today’s Groupon: for $899, you get six 40-minute Zerona body-contouring treatments at Refine Medical Spa (a $2,000 value).
Under the guidance of Dr. Bonnie Vulich, Refine Medical Spa’s expert technicians sculpt inches off of bodies with noninvasive Zerona treatments, which have earned accolades from Rachael Ray. During an initial consultation, Dr. Vulich explains the procedure to potential patients and answer any questions, such as, “Can I use the laser to tease my cat?” Then, technicians target soon-to-be-slimmed body parts with an FDA-cleared, low-level Erchonia laser, which safely liquefies fat within targeted cells as clients read or relax. Over the next two weeks, the body naturally eliminates the weight, shedding a combined three to nine inches from the waist, hips, and thighs. The laser can also target bra-line fat, inner knees, back fat, and buttocks, or fools at the academy who stripped you of your Nobel Prize.
Technicians administer the six treatments over two weeks, during which clients can go about their normal activities while staying hydrated, exercising at least 30 minutes a day. Clients should abstain from devious alcohol and caffeine, which can interfere with fat elimination, but no uncomfortable garments, mandatory handstands, or other inconvenient post-treatment care is required. Results may be visible after four to six sessions.
Zerona treatments are not appropriate for pregnant women and people with pacemakers, and may not be as effective on patients with diabetes or thyroid disorders.
Refine Medical Spa
Under the expert guidance of Dr. Bonnie Vulich, the staff at Refine Medical Spa treats patients the "Vulich way:" individual treatments based on each client's needs, and personal follow-ups. To combat the signs of aging, the staff offers services ranging from physician-supervised weight-loss programs to radio-frequency photofacials and chemical peels. The natural peel—the Green Peel—uses plant ingredients to help take years off of the face by removing the uppermost layer of skin and covering it with ivy. Dr. Vulich can also imbue faces with the youth of yesteryear with injectables and dermal fillers. For physiques in need of attention, the staff hones in on excess curves with Zerona and Venus Freeze body sculpting, and creates smoother expanses with laser hair removal.