Shattering all scientific understanding, it’s been determined that the knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone, and all three are connected to Kevin Bacon. Uncover other boggling, bodily truths with today's Groupon: for $49, you get a 50-minute aromatherapy massage at Valhalla Wellness and Medical Centers (a $123.23 value).

Valhalla's muscle molder combines aromatic oils with a flurry of relaxing pressure to persuade physiques into finer, more pronounced forms. During a 50-minute aromatherapy massage, the body kneader will calm musculature with alternating pressures, increasing circulation while melting away the daily stresses of work and the nightly stresses of underground arm-wrestling tournaments. Olfactory-enticing essential oils are designed to reduce stress, energize minds, or enhance relaxation. Lie down on the tranquility table and let the experienced skin kneader alleviate aches and untie knots while clearing minds of unnecessary Brady Bunch quotes. After the session, Groupon users can lop 50% off their next massage at Valhalla Wellness and Medical Centers.