Seeing live music can be a transcendent mind-body experience, akin to getting a tattoo underwater or making out during an eclipse. Transcend boredom with today's Groupon: for $40, you get two admissions to the opening-night performance of the Chicago Bluegrass & Blues Festival at the Auditorium Theatre of Roosevelt University on Saturday, January 21 (a $79 value). Groupon buyers will be seated in the first balcony, second balcony, and gallery sections on a first-come, first-served basis.
The Chicago Bluegrass & Blues Festival celebrates its fourth year of roots music and culture with performances by 35 bands at three venues throughout the city. Kicking off the sonic jubilee is a set from the festival's founder, Dave Grisman, who has collaborated with Jerry Garcia and has a stockpile of guitar strings made from black licorice. Grisman will be joined by his own quintet of string pluckers in addition to the Del McCoury Band, performing twangful tunes and shaking up dueling banjos traditions by hurling mandolins at one another. Other bands on the playlist include Joe Purdy, Bluegrass Ball featuring The Travelin' McCourys with to-be-named special guests, Giving Tree Band, Henhouse Prowlers, and Majors Junction.
Registered as a National Historic Landmark by the U.S. Department of the Interior, the Auditorium Theatre of Roosevelt University is home to the legendary Landmark Stage. Upon entering the performance hall, audiences can marvel at its opulent design, counting the number of dazzling light bulbs on the proscenium's multitiered arches or grabbing fistfuls of cartoon grass from the Spring Mural on the wall.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Aches and Pains
Though ancient doctors relied on fruitless treatments such as trepanning or leeching, modern medical experts know that those methods are only effective when done in tandem. Here's a look at some of the most common maladies that doctors treat every day:
Headache
What Causes It: Mild headaches can be caused by stress or angry noises, but debilitating migraine headaches are caused by bees that flew into your ears as a child and are now trying to buzz their way out.
The Cure: If aspirin doesn't work, try coating your ears in honey to coax the bees out.
Indigestion
What Causes It: Discomfort after eating may be caused by an adverse reaction to certain food enzymes, but more likely, you just accidentally ate a bunch of bees and didn't notice.
The Cure: Take the recommended dosage of an over-the-counter bee poison such as Pepto-Bismol.
Acne, a.k.a. "Bees in the Blood"
What Causes It: Too many bees in your bloodstream.
The Cure: Wash your face daily with an oil-free cleanser—if you want to do nothing about your acne. The only real cure is to swallow a live predator of bees such as a badger or skunk.
Toothache
What Causes It: Those "teeth" that hurt so much are actually enamel-covered bee eggs that other bees implanted in your mouth while you were distracted by a third group of bees working in tandem with the earlier bees to turn your body into a human honeycomb.
The Cure: There is none. You're more bee than human now. Sorry.
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