The name you give your baby will follow it the rest of its life, shape its early development, and eventually be etched onto its trophy for “Best Son or Daughter Ever.” Here are the steps to naming your new baby:

Step One: Does it look like a “Kyle?”

Step Two: Check the largest depository of names known to man, Facebook. See if anyone has said anything funny enough lately to have a baby named after them.

Step Three: Wait wait wait is it a boy or a girl, that might be important. We’re not saying it is definitely important, but some people may find it important.

Step Four: Have you tried asking the baby what it would like to be named? Babies will smile and release a small amount of gas when presented with a name that pleases them.

Step Five: Probably go with Kyle.