Learning to shave is an important milestone for young American men and, for those lucky enough to have a dad, it can be a rich one. Here are the steps to having your father teach you to shave:
- If he has yet to teach you, drop your father hints by talking about how much your new hairs itch or going to important family events fully lathered.
- Once he’s started teaching, deeply breathe in the musky scents. The thick, impossibly white foam. Dad’s old badger-haired brush. Old Spice cologne that smells as if the flowers are blooming in a rich czar’s menagerie.
- Feel the strength of your father’s arms as he guides your hands in the proper shaver’s motion. They are rough and pocked, yet they move your arms in such a firm softness that you can sense he’ll be standing proud at your wedding and buy you an American beer after your divorce.
- He may accidentally cut himself or you, but fear not, as a tiny segment of toilet tissue will hold the meaningless wound. Take this moment to reflect on the fact that your father is no god. Realize, boy, that the day will come when he falters and you will defeat him in myriad arenas. Your brain will conjure pride, but your soul will ache with guilt.
- I wonder what happened to Dad’s old ‘vette. I’ll bet Chris and I could spend a summer restoring it if I could just get him away from his texting. My back hurts more every day…