Before man conquered his fear of water, he amused himself with dust sports such as pushing boulders off cliffs, wrestling tumbleweeds, and falling in the dust. Leave dry land behind with today’s Groupon, which offers lessons or classes at Saguaro Aquatics (all sessions are $10 each, plus a $25 registration fee):
- $40 for eight swim lessons at any of the three locations (a $105 value)
- $40 for nine kids’ aquatic boot-camp classes at the Saguaro Heights location (a $115 value)
At Saguaro Aquatics, professional instructors make it their mission to reduce community drownings by teaching the basic tenets of swimming to all ages and skill levels. Those new to watery worlds can learn to swim as effortlessly as an iceberg, while competitive swimmers and fishmen can hone their skills during eight swim lessons. Classes, which last about half an hour, are available six days a week and feature 3:1 student-to-instructor ratios, allowing for intimate swim sessions and a real-world example of a ratio.
Though this Groupon is not valid from May through July, indoor and outdoor heated pools allow for year-round instruction and aquatic fitness sessions. For kids between the ages of five and 16, nine aquatic boot-camp classes at the Saguaro Heights location introduce young landlubbers to swimming with strength training and cardio exercises that take place both in and out of the water. Call ahead to make reservations.
All classes must be taken within two months of activation.
Groupon Says
The Deep End
Despite common wisdom, the best way to teach children to swim is not by throwing them in the deep end. In the adult world, however, throwing yourself into the deep end is the best way to solve every situation. For example:
Situation: You have accidentally scheduled two blind dates on the same night. Throw yourself into the deep end: Insist that both blind dates meet you at the same restaurant and express your wish to make it a literal blind date by asking them to arrive blindfolded. Seat both blindfolded dates at the same table and impress them with your gift for "ventriloquism."
Situation: You have accidentally offended your boss by calling attention to his obvious hairpiece in front of the visiting investors from Singapore.
Throw yourself into the deep end: Affirm that it is the loveliest sample you have ever seen outside of a catalog and loudly announce your intention to buy it. Get out your checkbook and ask him, "will cash be okay?" This will confuse and impress the investors, who will purchase both of you to be groomed and exhibited for their America at Work exhibit in the Singaporean Museum.
Situation: Your niece has accidentally dropped her favorite doll into the deep end of the pool.
Throw yourself into the deep end: Metaphorically, of course, by firing a gun into the pool until the centrifugal force of the bullets causes the doll to bubble to the surface.
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