For my birthday, my friend got me the perfect gift: green harem pants. I had been talking about green harem pants nonstop for the past month, ever since I saw a cool girl in Miami wearing them. My Google history was basically “harem pants,” “green harem pants,” and “cool people in Miami giving away pants?”
My friend bought the pants off Etsy from someone in Russia who makes clothes to order and hand-writes their tags. (My tag says “Green” in cursive.) The pants fit me, miraculously, but with that miracle came the sad realization that I had no idea how to wear them. I could think of one not-very-creative outfit. Beyond that? Nothing.
I didn’t want my pants to end up like Dr. Seuss’s pale green pants with nobody inside them. So, I enlisted three of my coworkers for help. We all styled the pants our own way, then modeled our outfits. You could say that we created our own Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants—we learned tons of lessons about life, love, and (mostly) changing our pants in the bathroom at work.
Here are the outfits we put together. We’ll start with my unimaginative one, then ramp up.
Besides the pants, I am wearing: A Madewell T-shirt and (quite dirty) Aldo flats.
How well the pants fit, out of 10: 9.75. There’s a chance they’re weird around my butt, but lucky for me, I never see it! Who cares!
What I like about this look: It’s casual and comfy without being something I could wear to the gym. That’s the sweet spot I like to hit with my day-to-day outfits.
I would wear this to: Honestly, I would wear most things anywhere. I think of this as something I would wear to a music festival, though, because it’s easy to move around in.
Besides the pants, she is wearing: A J.Crew necklace, an Old Navy shirt and booties, and Bonlook glasses.
How well the pants fit, out of 10: "7.5. I’m too tall for these—one false move and they called undue attention to my ladyparts. But I liked how airy and flowy they felt."
What she likes about this look: "I wear this chambray shirt in some way or another about four days a week, so I definitely love that part. The pants are much prettier than I expected. When I heard 'green harem pants,' I expected something neon or drab."
She would wear this to: "Happy hour on a patio, or anywhere with a nice breeze."
Besides the pants, she is wearing: A J.Crew double-breasted shrunken blazer and black J.Crew espadrilles
How well the pants fit, out of 10: "7 or 8. Comfy, but a little too big."
What she likes about this look: "It feels very polished to me. I don’t normally wear this silhouette, but I like it, especially because I can put my hand in my pocket in a jaunty manner."
She would wear this: "On a yacht, carrying a big red envelope clutch, and in that clutch are the designs for the new gallery I’m opening. I think this means I am either a gallerist or an architect in this outfit."
Besides the pants, she is wearing: An Identify leather jacket, a Houses band T-shirt, and Ralph Lauren booties.
How well the pants fit, out of 10: "8.5. They’re comfy, and fit in the waist, but I’m tall-ish, and the legs are a little short. I’m trying to keep the orange Halloween socks I’m wearing in this picture a secret. A spooky secret."
What she likes about this look: "I have a pretty sizable collection of band T-shirts—it’s my go-to concert merch!—and I get tired of just wearing them with jeans. This feels a little edgier."
She would wear this to: "A concert. I feel like you can get away with more interesting clothes at a show, especially if the performer is a fashion plate like St. Vincent or Phantogram’s Sarah Barthel."
Photo: Andrew Nawrocki, Groupon