From Our Editors
[ In the early 1990s, Twins VIP Barber Shop was approached by comedian Chip Bennett to sponsor his sitcom, Dad's House. This transcript is the only evidence that remains of the show's brief run of one-eleventh of an episode.]
INT. DAD'S HOUSE - DAY
Clean, brightly lit living room in a cheery suburb. VIC and JAY, two other dads from the neighborhood, are sitting on an overstuffed leather couch, watching the game. Off to the side, HOWIE, the gruff grandfather, is working under the chassis of a riding lawnmower and is visible only from the waist down. CHIP enters from the front door, freshly shaven, hair combed back.
CHIP: Honey, I'm home!
Riotous laughter for minutes on end, some hooting.
VIC: Whoa, look at you all clean-cut!
JAY: Yeah, what's the deal, Neal? Did Stevie Nicks call and want her hair back?
CHIP: No, you guys. It's my 10th anniversary tonight, so I figured I'd head on down to Twins VIP Barber Shop and get gussied up.
VIC: Whoa, Twins VIP Barber Shop? Isn't that the one with the VIP package?
JAY: I heard those packages get you a haircut and a straight-razor shave. Just like your mother-in-law does, Chip.
Laugh track while Chip flashes his trademark "annoyed look" at the audience, breaking the fourth wall.
CHIP: Veeeeery funny. You should try them out sometime.
VIC: I think I'd like that. I'd bring along all my friends ... and Jay.
The three dads stand there for a moment, waiting for a laugh track. Nothing happens. Phone rings and Chip exits to the kitchen to answer it. Twenty seconds of visible discomfort and confusion from Vic and Jay. Chip returns.
CHIP: Guys, my wife's coming home early, she's going to be here in five minutes! We've got to get this place cleaned up before she gets back!
VIC: Whoa, calm down, Chip, it's not like she can fire you from your marriage.
CHIP: That's the problem! She's also my BOSS!
Howie slides out from under the mower and stands.
HOWIE: Well, you know what I always say. You—
Before Howie can finish, the lawnmower roars to life, scattering the dads as it rampages through the living room. It plows through the rear wall of the set, exposing the dark soundstage beyond. Crewmembers can be heard shouting and cursing as they dive out of the mower's way. Finally, the mower severs the camera's power cable, terminating the broadcast.
[The remainder of the episode was replaced by 27.3 minutes of dead air, which saw an immediate jump in ratings and was renewed by the network for another three seasons.]