Like glaciers and tectonic plates, teeth are slowly yet surely on the move as they attempt to turn their host’s mouth into frozen tundra and then rip it apart like a bite-size Pangaea. Defeat devious teeth with today’s Groupon to Miller Dental Group. Choose between the following options:

• For $39, you get an Invisalign package, including examination, x-rays, and a consultation (a $319 value), plus $1,000 toward complete case Invisalign treatment.
• For $39, you get a comprehensive dental checkup, including an exam, x-rays, and a cleaning (a $356 value).

Certified Invisalign dentist Robert B. Miller, DMD, and his dedicated team design and execute dazzling reasons to smile. Invisalign straightens crooked chompers with a combination of highly advanced 3-D computer graphics and the spells of old-fashioned orthodontia. The Invisalign process eschews cumbersome braces for clear, removable aligners that are virtually invisible to the unclothed eye. An initial 30-minute exam, including x-rays and photos of your mouth terrain, paves the way for a flurry of calibrated teeth sheaths that are designed to slowly shift walnut crackers into perfect alignment. The total cost of an Invisalign treatment varies for each customer (it can run anywhere from $2,999 to $5,400); this Groupon gets you $1,000 toward that final cost. Express treatment is required for less serious cases (and runs around $2995), and this Groupon gets you $750 toward that final cost.

Depending on the client’s teeth, as few as 12 or as many as 48 separate aligners will need to be worn during an average period of 6–15 months before the straightening effect finally self-actuates in a sudden burst of blue smoke and confetti. Aligners are only removed when eating, brushing, flossing, or modeling a finely clenched jaw. Clients must pass a visible inspection to be eligible for treatment, and non-eligible Grouponers will receive a refund.

The comprehensive exam with digital panoramic x-rays (a $287 value) couples with an adult cleaning (a $69 value) for a thorough approach to preventive gumstone care. Inside the office, cushy lobby chairs make minimal wait times go by at ludicrous speed, and in-operatory televisions broadcast visual entertainment during prolonged jaw drops.