Keeping teeth clean and white is the first and only step in coping with the fact that your skeleton is slowly escaping from your body through your mouth. Deal with it with today's Groupon: for $129, you get a Zoom! teeth-whitening treatment (a $568 value) and a preventive-care package (a $20 value) at Sensational Smiles (a $588 total value).

Sensational Smiles' Dr. Brian M. Mooney, a full-service dental practitioner, whitens discolored gumstones in less than an hour using Zoom! technology. During the 45-minute session, the dentist lathers teeth with a light-activated gel to bleach away stains caused by coffee, smoking, and clumsy cocktail-party guests. The treatment's specialized light may cause heightened sensitivity in teeth, but any tingling will dissipate shortly after the procedure. After brightening their chatter factories up to eight shades whiter, clients take home a preventive-care package packed with goodies for the mouth, including a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, lip gloss, and a stainless-steel mug. Sensational Smiles ensconces visitors in a spa-like setting lavished in leather sofas, soothing music, and time-killing books. A selection of complimentary beverages, sugar-free snacks, and fresh cookies show tasters that you care without having to swallow a dozen red roses.