Like cars, human beings require occasional corrective bodywork, custom finishing, and fresh coats of wax to avoid being towed away and crushed into a cube. Keep your chassis classy with today's Groupon: for $32, you get $65 worth of waxing, eyelash extensions, or facials from The Eyelash Connection. Have your keratin phalanges stuck or plucked at its clean and comfortable Hillcrest Drive studio.

The Eyelash Connection's licensed and insured aestheticians will guarantee that you'll be seen seeing and being seen at dances, bars, and other fancy locales where it's impossible for admirers with tiny eyelashes to make significant eye contact from afar. Affix each oculus with a full top set of semi-permanent waterproof lashes for $175, or just take care of the bottom lid and go topless for $75. If your hairdeology is "less is more," shed strands with an eyebrow ($20), back ($50), or bikini-line wax ($30). Otherwise, indulge in a classic European facial ($65), which emphasizes relaxation, or a deep-cleansing facial ($65), which dispatches a series of microscopic unmanned submersibles to extract toxins and acne-causing impurities from the depths of silty pores.

All The Eyelash Connection's tools and machines are sterilized between each treatment, ensuring that each lavish service is safe and hygienic. The staff of friendly aestheticians welcomes feedback and suggestions from clients, so don't be shy about requesting a wax in the shape of the Ford Model T.