For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Be pounded into the shape of relaxation with today’s Groupon to The Natural Path in Hudson. Choose from the following options:

• For $30, you get a 60-minute Swedish, deep-tissue, or pregnancy massage (a $65 value).
• For $45, you get a 90-minute Swedish, deep-tissue, or pregnancy massage (a $95 value).
• For $45, you get a colon-hydrotherapy treatment (a $95 value).
  
  

The Natural Path’s certified and licensed staff soothes bodies with custom massages and gently cleanses intestines with colon hydrotherapy. Opt for the massage, and licensed therapist Annette Cormier will spend 60 or 90 minutes coaxing muscles into a relaxed state with the client’s choice of massage modality. The Swedish massage unfurls long, gliding strokes to soothe stress, a deep-tissue session aims to work out serious knots, and a pregnancy massage can ease joint pain caused by carrying around the weight of a growing baby or a codependent watermelon.

Alternatively, during the colon-hydrotherapy treatment, certified practitioner Lisa Hansen uses disposable equipment to gently infuse sterile water into the colon, working to loosen and flush out impacted matter. She’ll also employ energy healing—including reiki and shamanic techniques—to help to relieve aching heads and nail-biting anxiety from trying to solve a Rubik’s cube with the stickers peeled off. Over the past 12 years, Lisa has used her skills to lessen symptoms of constipation, irritable bowel syndrome, candida, and parasites, among other maladies.