Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Keep your terrestrial abode well masked with today's Groupon: for $40, you get one Synergie cellulite treatment at Total Body Cleansing Studio (an $85 value).
Total Body Cleansing Studio's professional staff levels out dermal terrain with 30-minute noninvasive Synergie treatments. The handheld Synergie device combines vacuum power and gentle vibrations to massage layers of skin deeper than any mosquito has ever tasted. After an initial consultation, clients don a body suit specifically designed for Synergie treatments and a skilled technician navigates the machine along cellulite-afflicted areas. Customers experience a massage-like feeling as the offending indentations are smoothed away and skin is left as taut as an Alfred Hitchcock script written on the head of a djembe. Typical cellulite treatments are received in twice-weekly sessions followed by monthly maintenance visits. Customers can purchase up to three Groupons and use them for up to three separate sessions.
Total Body Cleansing Studio
Total Body Cleansing Studio doesn't want to merely paper over skin and health problems; it wants to address the problems' root causes. That's why the studio emphasizes treatments that are designed to remove toxins from the body, from open-system colon hydrotherapy to far-infrared sauna sessions. Because the treatments, unlike Q-tips, work better when they're bundled together, the center offers half- and full-day detoxification packages as well as 10-week weight-loss programs complete with personalized diet and exercise regimens.