Jump to: How to Photograph Sasquatch
If a picture says a thousand words, today’s Groupon says six thousands words—just like Uncle Theo, but without the uncomfortable, outmoded life lessons. For $45, you get a 45-minute photography session for up to four people (add $5 for additional people) and six customizable 8x10 sheets of prints from Virtuosity Photography, a $125 value. With your versatile print package, you can choose any variety of sizes for each 8x10 sheet (one 6x10 photo, two 5x7 photos, four wallet-sized, etc.). You can opt to have your session in-studio or at the location of your choice.
This package is your opportunity to upgrade the framed family photos that have been hanging in your parents’ home for the past 600 years. Now that you aren’t riddled with acne or plagued with a six-year-old’s gummy smile, split the cost with your sibs and surprise your folks with a more up-to-date snapshot, just in time for the holidays. Gain the upper hand with estranged relatives and old high-school nemeses by dropping an unexpected greeting card on them this holiday season, forcing them to begrudgingly congratulate you on the cheery disposition of your lovely family.
There’s always an excuse to say cheese: you’re engaged, you’re pregnant, you graduated high school, or you placed in the regional knitting finals. Even if you’re not commemorating a major milestone, you might need a professional headshot to further your career. Actresses, authors, musicians, clowns, dancers, comedians, and other performers can all benefit from Virtuosity’s quality prints. The versatility of this customizable package ensures that everyone—from precocious children to mail carriers eyeing a career change—will get the prints that they need.
How to Photograph Sasquatch
Professional photographer George Lance has spent his life trying to photograph Sasquatch. Though most people think he’s nuts, Lance swears that the Missing Link is real. Here’s his advice for how to photograph the elusive Sasquatch:
- Sasquatches don’t like to be photographed, but they are jealous. If you loudly brag about having a photo of a dracula, a sasquatch might show up.
- Sasquatches don’t want to eat children, but they think they do. A group of helpless children only increases your chances of a sasquatch encounter.
- Sasquatches live in cold, damp woods. Be prepared to dress warmly in furry body-jackets with matching furry face-coverings and boots. If you see another sasquatch-hunter, acknowledge him by loudly roaring and running into the woods.
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