A perfectly white smile determines how others perceive you by shining brightly enough to blind them to your second head and compound eyes. Let dazzling teeth disguise the effects of your mad-science hobby with today’s Groupon: for $49, you get a dental cleaning (a $94 value), exam (an $88 value), and x-rays (if necessary) (up to a $208 value) from William E. Wyatt Jr., DDS in Flower Mound (up to a $390 total value).

The compassionate tooth technicians at William E. Wyatt Jr., DDS balance their relentless crusade against plaque with an eagerness to customize treatments to each patient’s individual requests and needs. Tarnished tooth reputations and sagging gum-approval ratings are restored by the spinning brushes of efficient hygienists as they scour mouth crevices with tiny mirrors, gentle scraping implements, and righteous fury.

Over the course of a comprehensive exam, mouths are thoroughly tested for molar failings and checked for signs of gum disease and oral cancer. An x-ray machine can also offer subsurface data via panoramic snapshots—a diagnostic form more reliable than the opinions of back-alley soothsayers or roommates wearing x-ray glasses.

After emerging from the inspection with a newfound wealth of oral-hygiene knowledge and instruction, mouths with clean teeth and cleaner consciences can resume their dirty day jobs of heckling helicopter pilots and paving roads with tongue-flung scoops of tar.