The most important part of running a successful business, outside of protecting your merchandise from fire by always having it submerged in a giant fish tank, is the grand opening. Here’s how you can give customers that sweet initial taste so they come back for seconds:

• Hold a ribbon-cutting ceremony, which involves wrapping the entire building like a Christmas present and seeing if the town mayor can cut it all away with giant scissors before the people inside run out of air.
  

• Make it feel like a party by filling up balloons, setting up trampolines, and having a bunch of muscle cars sitting around for people to take pictures in front of.
  

• Decorate with an eye-catching item that reminds people of your business. If you’re a men’s suit store, rent a giant inflatable business suit. If you’re a tax-preparation company, rent a giant inflatable business suit and replace the pocket square with a 1040 form.
  

• Increase the likelihood of a good turnout by telling everyone it’s a memorial service for the town’s handsomest resident.
  

• During your grand-opening speech, get the audience on your side by thanking them for coming out and showing them all your scars.