If your dream is to get discovered on the street by a casting agent for the popular television trivia show Baby or Sack of Potatoes?, you’ve got to appear smart. Increase your odds of getting on that show with these tips:

• Read a book, but show off by reading it upside-down.
• Go for that classic scholarly appearance—thick, plastic-frame glasses and a bald head covered in pulsing veins, which feed your brain a steady, plentiful stream of blood.
• Challenge passersby to a debate about a current hot-button issue, like whether or not prisons should have special cells for horses that do bad things.
• Never ask questions. If you get lost, keep walking in one direction. You’ll eventually hit water, at which point you’ll want to fashion a raft out of fallen branches and set sail. There’s a chance it’ll take you exactly where you wanted to go in the first place.
• Surround yourself with other smart people. Once you’ve assembled a team of intellectuals, lure them to a secluded area and tie them all to something heavy. Now you are the smartest person left.