Most people choose a hotel based on what amenities it offers and how many of its TV channels show a live feed of the local city council. Here are some of the amenities that you might be lucky enough to experience on your next trip:

• Pool full of people who can swim but not as well as you
  
• Room service delivered directly to the hotel restaurant
  
• Dogs that will keep your sheets warm when you're not using the bed and special electric jackets that will keep the dogs warm
  
• Spa where they at least brush your teeth for you instead of just squishing your muscles
  
• Unlimited wigs, so you can really feel like you're escaping
  
• Rooms where families can go to yell at each other
  
• An in-room safe for keeping items so valuable you would never trust yourself to touch them
  
• Free wireless Internet that only goes to the hotel's email provider, Hotelwhispers.net