Like kneading dough, massaging the body increases pliancy and makes the target strong enough to support twice its weight in mozzarella and pepperoni. Prepare muscles for marinara overload with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a one-hour massage or reiki session at Earth Angels Holistic Health L.L.C. (a $60 value).

Earth Angels Holistic Health L.L.C.'s team of talented massage therapists and reiki practitioners fosters feelings of tranquility and mental repose with a wide range of relaxing holistic treatments. Massage therapists cater their treatments to each client’s specific needs, carefully weeding out shoulder pains, spinal aches, and muscular knots like disoriented gardeners. Sessions can vary in intensity from gentle, soothing strokes to high-pressure kneading, depending on the patient’s tolerance for muscle pummeling. Alternatively, reiki treatments aim to restore natural energy flow and promote relaxation and healing by dispensing chi throughout the body to decongest spiritual traffic jams. Over the course of one hour, reiki practitioners position their hands over strategic points of the body, leaving patients feeling as cool as the giant cucumber that marks the exact location of the South Pole.