Like cars, human beings require occasional corrective bodywork, custom finishing, and fresh coats of wax to avoid being towed away and crushed into a cube. Keep your chassis classy with today's Groupon to Fountain of Youth Aveda Salon Spa, with locations in Pittsburgh and in Mars. Choose from three options:

• For $69, you get a quick-loss wrap (a $98 value) and a renewing balance wrap (a $98 value). The quick-loss wrap can help deflate distended denizens over the course of an hour. Once the dress sizes have been shaved off, the renewing balance treatment exfoliates and conditions your skin before wrapping you head to toe in heavenly heated towels.
• For $49, you get a Man Cave Retreat package, which includes a gentleman’s grooming facial-hair cleanup (a $24 value), eyebrow manscaping (a $21 value), 30-minute Derma Man facial (a $58 value), and a Gridiron manicure (a $24 value). After a day of grooming, freshly dappered dudes emerge from the salon with fetching façades and a newfound appreciation for follicular particulars.
• For $149, you get a body-sculpting treatment (a $247 value) and your choice of wrap (a $98 value). Body sculpting uses both person-power and machine-assisted massage to tighten skin and reduce unsightly cellulite. Afterward, further encourage your corporeal shrinkage with a quick-loss wrap or pupate your body until it bursts into a swarm of sweet-smelling butterflies with a soothing Aveda rosemary-mint awakening body wrap.

Blending personalized beauty treatments with soothing, plant-derived Aveda products, Fountain of Youth’s staff addresses both the mental and physical well-being of clients. Each treatment from the extensive spa menu starts with a visualization exercise that, like riding backward on a blindfolded donkey, relieves stress and encourages deep relaxation. Both locations are open Tuesday–Saturday. Call ahead to schedule an appointment.