Bad things come in threes. Here's how to overcome a common trifecta of terribleness:

• Get plenty of rest and mull over why your ex suddenly decided to ruin your life—but not in the courtroom, where putting your head down to sleep or cry will come off as guilt.

• Keep a journal to record your surreal, NyQuil-addled nightmares and your heartfelt breakup poetry. Then burn the notebook in a metal trashcan to prevent prosecutors from gaining insight into your psyche.

• Start seeing other people, including a doctor if symptoms persist for more than a week. Now it's time for another breakup—dump your lawyer, buy a wardrobe of “No Fear” T-shirts to signal your lack of fear to jury members, and represent yourself for the rest of your trial.

• Enjoy a brief backslide by sending a desperate love letter to your ex and throwing up on your judge.

• Finish your course of antibiotics, then get closure by calling your ex as a witness—on the night of your supposed crime, you two were busy doing only the things that you wanted to do, just like always… Maybe the breakup was both of your faults? You can now date the most attractive jury member.