Prior to dentists, humans were forced to shine their own teeth with fleets of flea-driven miniature Zambonis. Give overworked drivers the day off with today's Groupon to Image Dental Group in La Mesa. Choose between the following options:

• For $59, you get a dental-health package (a $217 total value), which includes:

  • An exam (a $70 value)
  • Bitewing x-rays (a $58 value)
  • A cleaning (an $89 value)

• For $129, you get a teeth-whitening package (a $620 total value), which includes:

  • An exam (a $70 value)
  • A Zoom! teeth-whitening treatment (a $550 value)

Image Dental Group's carnassial craftspeople relieve chompers of plaque and discoloration and inspect mouths for any dental dilemmas. During the initial oral exam, a periodontal pro will embark upon a visual exploration of the teeth and gums before charting the dental conditions and topography of each tooth. After scouring incisors, tooth technicians x-ray teeth, allowing the proper diagnosis and detection of decay. A full dental cleaning ensures that teeth assimilate back into nature shinier and brighter, impressing strangers and making quick work of stubborn steaks.

Patients can also choose to brighten chompers with a Zoom! in-office teeth-whitening treatment. After an initial exam to ensure optimal enamel health, a cuspid guru applies a scientifically formulated gel to each fang's surface. A special Zoom! light activates the gel during three 15-minute sessions, setting its microscopic scrubbers to work clearing up stains from coffee, tea, and old engravings reading "Tongue + Tonsils 4 Ever!" With proper maintenance, the treatment's whitening effects can last as long as 5 years. As mouths get pampered, patients can mellow out by watching a movie or listening to an iPod, allowing them to relax and focus on the ethical ramifications of blinding people during casual conversation.