Once feared as the most likely battleground of a possible coral uprising, the beach is today revered as a bastion of fragile mini castles that serve as a metaphor for man's powerlessness in the face of nature. Here's what you need to know about the beach:

The Sand: These tasty granules were once mighty rocks, ground into a fine and delicious powder by the chain gangs of the 20th century. Starting with Plymouth Rock, our nation's coastline-covering boulders were slowly chipped by flawed men into relaxing vacation spots, and the delectable sand they created is still sought after by master chefs.

The Ocean: This oft-misunderstood superlake is feared by children, cursed by the elderly, and controlled by the moon—just like a werewolf but twice as evil. Each wave is another methodical battle in the ocean's war to slowly invade earth. Although it’s natural to hope the ocean will blow up, beware what you wish for—its precious salt gives sand its trademark flavor.

The Wildlife: The seagulls, crabs, and billions of disease-carrying microbes that visit the beach do so for the same reason that people do—to eat sand. Although federal law prevents poachers from taking sand off the beach, there's nothing stopping you and your family from eating all the sand you want. Grilled or eaten raw, nothing beats the taste of sand.