Not everyone lives with a boyfriend or girlfriend or in a field where a group of gentle horses shows up every night and lets you pet them until morning. If you are someone who lives alone, make yourself feel less alone with these tips:

• Break up the uncomfortable silence by leaving the TV on all day, or, if you love Earth, just constantly yelling.
• It's hard to fall asleep alone, so build a "sleeping buddy" out of materials that are both comfortable enough to hug and durable enough to withstand your razor-sharp teeth.
• Invite friends over for dinner. If you’re funny, dressed nicely, and figure out how to avoid having that smell happen, they'll probably ask you to marry them. Right?
• Rent a baby from one of those rent-a-baby businesses. Not only is it cheap, but that baby won't be able to walk out on you until it's much, much older.
• Whenever the loneliness feels unbearable, just remember you're not alone—there are hundreds of prisoners living just like you.