One of the only reasons for having a family is the opportunity it gives you to share things—such as a single toothbrush—and eventually save a bunch of money. Before scrubbing your teeth with your family's communal cleaner, read through these words:

• Make sure it's your family's toothbrush and not a different family's toothbrush or just a breadstick that has bristles glued to it.
  

• If it is your family's toothbrush, get rid of any lingering bacteria by dipping it in rubbing alcohol or setting the toothbrush head on fire or doing both of those things at the same time.
  

• Remove any bits of food that the fire didn't take care of. You can do this by placing the brush head in the mouth of any dog.
  

• Pet the dog. It’s doing you a favor and it really didn’t have to, so this is the decent thing to do.
  

• Now you're ready to brush—as long as you've double-checked to make sure the toothbrush wasn't really that weird breadstick.