During every routine cleaning, your dentist will eventually ask you if you’ve been flossing—most likely already knowing the answer—and even saying “yes” elicits only a slightly approving murmur. Impress your dentist once and for all with any of these dentist-dazzling tactics:

• Complete the obsolete TV Guide crossword puzzle in the lobby with your staggering knowledge of mid-1990s procedural dramas.
• Use vegetable dye and a diamond-tipped toothpick to tattoo your enamel with the logo of your dentist’s favorite minor-league baseball team.
• Have a completely discernible conversation despite your dentist knowing full well that they asked you “How’s work?” immediately after putting their fingers in your mouth.
• Clean your own teeth in front of the dentist using their implements. Compensate them for parts but not labor. Arrange for Bob Seger’s “Turn the Page” to be playing as you walk away.