Although many of the medieval threats that led to the invention of the sword are now extinct or obsolete—dragons, knighting ceremonies, and careers in musketeerdom—swords are still available from online and late-night television venues if you know where to look. Consider this helpful guide before taking a stab at sword ownership:

Do You Need a Sword? Yes. Though our modern skies are no longer plagued with dive-bombing griffins, swords have thousands of practical household uses, from looking cool on the wall to looking cool in your hand.

Are Swords Legal? Yes, with exceptions. Sword regulations vary from state to state, but you can usually get an up-to-date lowdown on regional swordlaw from an expert, such as your local blacksmith, or, perhaps more practically, the blacksmithing station at your local Home Depot.

Telling Your Spouse: Don't—it will ruin the surprise!

What Kind of Sword Should You Get? This depends on your needs, lifestyle, and the comfortable standing distance of your full-length mirror, where the sword will most likely get the most use. If you are a traditionalist, consider a broadsword—the same implement used by Thomas Jefferson to decapitate Britain's last unicorn.