Keeping teeth clean and white is the first and only step in coping with the fact that your skeleton is slowly escaping from your body through your mouth. Deal with it with today's Groupon: for $125, you get a teeth-whitening kit from Star Bright International (a $250 value). The teeth-whitening kit includes the following:
- Two 15-minute LED light in-home treatments
- Travel-size touchup whitening pen
Star Bright International's roving band of professional teeth brighteners travels to homes and offices to oversee clients as they self-administer a whitening treatment that brightens smiles up to eight shades. A one-size-fits-all cheek retractor or double-sided mouthpiece protects vulnerable gum tissue from the sheer power and romantic advances of hydrogen peroxide gel before clients aim the light toward their own mouths. The two self-administered 15-minute treatments infiltrate stains embedded deep within each tooth without damaging the enamel. In addition to the treatments, newly whitened smiles benefit from a complimentary travel-size whitening pen that can be used up to three times daily to fend off nascent stains. Following the treatment or use of the pen, gums may feel slightly tingly, much like hands do after tousling Pat Boone's hair. Customers should call ahead to schedule an appointment Monday–Friday.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Recognizing Sports Balls
Though many sports exist that do not require the usage of a ball—such as running, swimming, and quicksand escaping—most professional athletes agree that to make it in the big leagues, you must be able to recognize the following balls:
Footballs: These “balls” aren’t balls at alls! A symmetrical tapered ovoid, pigskins can more accurately be called pig eggs because of their shape and their actual biological origins. The shape of a football allows you to throw a tight spiral, although this is only provable by first affixing it with a grenade of dazzling colored smoke.
Basketballs: The exact color, size, and shape of a pumpkin, these dimpled spheres are crisscrossed with black boundary lines—this is because each basketball is also a miniature basketball court! Gut it and lay it flat like an open newspaper for an exciting game of overturned ant farm vs. army men.
Golf Balls: These handheld esophagus-clogging beauties keep players from being dishonest when they jot down their score—you’ve probably heard the old golfers' expression “the more you cheat, the more you eat!” Golf-ball ingestion is responsible for more hospital visits than shark attacks and mechanical-shark attacks combined.
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