Water slides are like active volcanoes—both melt away T-shirts, propel fluids down super-steep slopes, and have a lot of screaming, nubile women thrown down them. Leisurely lounge or ride the tidal-waved slides with today's Groupon: for $13, you get one adult general-admission ticket (up to a $27.99 value) to The Beach Waterpark in Mason, about 30 minutes northeast of Cincinnati.
Sporting real palm trees, real white sand, and cascading waterfalls, the 26-year-old park has recently renovated its 35 acres of aqueous thrill rides and removed less-popular slides such as the Gravel Plunge and the Empty Pool. The Cliff (The Beach's signature adventure dispenser) returns smooth and resurfaced, with its five stories of frothy, electrifying mirth. The park's longest slide, Volcanic Panic, rockets riders down a tower of twists and turns that includes a 360-degree spiral and a 180-degree horseshoe turn before the final plunge into Kahuna Beach Wavepool's 750,000 gallons of roiling water. Families of physicists, meanwhile, will relish the freshly painted Riptide, which employs the magic of momentum to propel up to two bodies, or half of a barbershop quartet, per tube through its whitecaps and drop-offs. Twilight Zoom gets pinkish patrons out of the sun for a while by sending them shrieking through an enclosed black-slide lit only by twilight starbursts before the final splashdown.
For those who'd rather be chilled than thrilled, The Beach boasts a number of lounging options as well. All 13 varieties of loafing can be attempted as one drifts along the 1,200-foot Lazy Miami River before enjoying a cheeseburger in faux-paradise at one of The Beach's eateries. Beach bums and various other shirtless vagrants can build elaborate sand-replicas of the Sagrada Familia on the all-new, 65,000-square-foot Bondi Beach before escaping to the waterfalls and shady palm trees of The Pearl's heated grotto pool. Outside of the water, oblige friends to taste the park's real sand by making them dig for a few well-placed spikes in the refurbished main volleyball court.
Treat friends, spouses, and friends' spouses to a non-shark-related adrenaline rush at the beach with today's Groupon to The Beach Waterpark.
Reviews
Six Yelpers and 13 Citysearchers give The Beach Waterpark an average of 3.5 stars. Eight Insider Pagers give it three stars. In spite of a few mixed reviews, many customers praise the variety and number of water slides:
- I feel very comfortable letting my kids go out on their own at this park. And there is so much to do you really can't get it all in in one visit. My families [sic] favorites are the Aztec, Cliff, the Pearl (heated pool) and the Wavepool. – noran12, Citysearch
- I like going to the beach, this is probably the best water park in the area in terms of slides and variety. – Olga D., Insider Pages
- The beach waterpark is really nice. They have a good amount of water slides and the big pool they have is awesome. – david g., Insider Pages
Groupon Says
Belated Gifts for Beloved Dad
Yesterday was Father's Day. If this is news to you, you're probably one of those deadbeat kids we always hear about on the nightly news. Here are some belated Father's Day gifts that show you care, but not enough to remember the exact date of Father's Day.
- Utility knife made of a spork and a hand-sanitizer dispenser
- Homemade gift card reading, "IOU One Doing Something with My Life"
- Get up before dawn to carve the words "Steve McQueen" into his car
- Glossy coffee-table book of pictures of Civil War–era catcher's mitts How can you show Dad you love him enough to destroy his car?
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