Organic vegetables are grown without the use of pesticides, as they naturally repel pests by repeating everything they say in a singsong voice. Savor the taste of these wonder foods with today's Groupon: for $45, you get a single local-produce share and one year membership from Urban Acres (a $94 value). The package includes the following:
- One-year co-op membership (a $50 value)
- One introductory half-size basket (approximately 15 pounds) of produce (a $30 value)
- One-time bin-rental fee (a $14 value)
Operating a grocery store and co-op food share, Urban Acres partners with more than 25 local farms to connect conscientious consumers with local organic goods. Through enrollment in the co-op produce share, members pick up a treasure-trove of local produce every other Saturday from one of eight drop off locations. Today's deal includes an introductory half-share, roughly equivalent to 15 pounds of produce or one hobbit's midday snack. After their initial half-box of goodies, members must pay for each additional share every two weeks at the rate of $30 for half share or $50 for a full share (roughly 30 pounds of produce). The foodies at Urban Acres can also email recipes that correspond with the produce found in each new assortment.
Aside from a steady stream of diverse local produce, members enjoy benefits such as a 5% discount on all in-store purchases made at Urban Acres' 1,500 square foot farm store in Oak Cliff as well as access to member-only sales and exclusive products. Instead of scouring traditional grocery stores for the best produce based on freshness, color, and swimsuit competition, members can canvas nutrient-rich aisles for a host of local products and 100% grass-fed beef. Members can put their produce share on hold and start back up later that same year for a $25 fee, and enjoy the benefits of membership even if they opt to cancel their produce share.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Privacy
Someday, we'll live in a society where everyone knows everything about everyone else—eliminating the need for privacy and clothing—but until then, we must hoard our personal details to keep them secret from prying eyes. Keep all of your life's details to yourself with this exhaustive guide:
• Throw away all of your important documents, including your birth certificate, social-security card, age-verification CD-ROM, high-school-yearbook fingerprints, food wrappers, and credit-card-statement-singing greeting cards. The closer these documents are to you, the more easily you can be tied to your own awful identity.
• Never post your opinions on the Internet, where anyone could read them and steal them to use in a hit novelty rap. Instead, write each of your thoughts on Post-it notes and shove them all down your toilet's water hole with a long stick (don’t touch the water with your hands).
• Nail your windows shut, and smear them with mud to keep nosy neighbors from seeing your dog naked and reading your magnet poetry.
• Financial documents, such as bank statements and paper money, are too easy to lose. Instead of carrying these items around, make photocopies of them and keep copies at work, at home, in your car, and in your child’s backpack.
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