It is important to routinely groom your car—otherwise, it will grow an unsightly beard that will tickle your cheeks when you kiss it good night. Shave off soot and give your ride a much-needed lathering with today's Groupon: for $65, you get an Ultimate Protection auto-detailing package from J&B Detailing (up to a $160 value). This Groupon is valid for mobile service within a 45-mile radius of Columbia. Upgrades are available for $10 for small SUVs and $30 for large SUVs, trucks, and vans.
The tidying troubadours of J&B journey to carports and homesteads to cleanse horseless carriages at the owner's convenience. Besmirched buggies are first hand-washed and dried, with special attention paid to tires, wheels, and wheel wells to remove the worst of bugs, tar, sap, and daily-grind grime. Glass surfaces glimmer after a water-repelling Rain-X polish is applied, and the first inklings of rust retreat after a clay-bar rubdown, leaving the perambulator's paint as smooth as a pat of butter carved from fiberglass. A high-gloss sealant protects the newly clean exterior from all manner of road evils, including harsh weather, tar patches, and possessed mud puddles, for six months, and all plastic, vinyl, and rubber trim is cleaned and dressed to impress.
Once the exterior is expunged, the roaring hose of a vacuum terrifies dirt out of corroded cabins and a gentle shampoo soothes startled carpets back to their softer, gentler selves. A wipe-down of the dash and other solid surfaces keeps vinyl vibrant and wood grain winsome, and Scotchgarding ensures all fabric is well protected against stains and Angus Macfadyen's grubby hands. The chemical adepts then unleash a ferocious odor eliminator that punishes loitering smells, making way for the fresh scent of the obligatory air freshener.