While a horse’s teeth tell a trained eye everything about the animal, a human’s teeth refuse to tell dentists anything without a lawyer present. Get to the root of the matter with today’s Groupon to Joe N.T. Nguyen, DDS, in Poway. Choose between the following options:

• For $69, you get an exam, cleaning, and x-rays (up to a $317 value).
• For $159, you get a Zoom! teeth-whitening treatment (a $565 value).

The comprehensive dental inspection certifies the strength of gum-deep groundwork and the Zoom! whitening treatment bleaches teeth until they shine like well-lit windows to the soul. Dr. Nguyen’s relentless mission to root out oral degradation begins with digital x-rays to spot problems and budding signs of vampirism. A digital intraoral camera is employed to take close-up images of problem areas and appraise the value of toothy pearls and jaw-lined stalactites and stalagmites. After discussing and prescribing a detailed treatment plan with his patient, Dr. Nguyen then ushers in a team of licensed hygienists to help banish plaque and polish away stains, completing the approximately 90-minute process.

The Zoom! teeth-whitening treatment harnesses the luminosity of a fluorescent stage light and combines it with a proprietary bleaching gel that can deliver results. After placing a special barrier on the lips and gums to protect them from the potent solar punch, Dr. Nguyen allows the gel to rest on the teeth during three to four 15-minute application sessions. In just longer than an hour, patients emerge with a set of billboard-worthy biters that will make passing tooth fairies flutter in awe-stricken fits of envy.