Until human feet evolve into penguin flippers, we will have to make do with roller skates and Crocodile Mile to meet our gliding needs. For now, run, slide, hit the bump, and take a dive into today's Groupon: for $6, you get admission to one public skate session (up to $10, depending on day and time) with skate rental ($4) included at United Skates of America, Inc. (up to a $14 total value). Public skating sessions take place Thursday through Sunday, with convenient afternoon and evening hours (click to view the schedule). This Groupon is valid for hip-hop and R & B skate on Saturday but not for Monday, Tuesday, all-you-can-eat Wednesday, or Teen Night on Sunday.
United Skates gives Massapequans an opportune arena in which to practice their en-wheel prancing and pirouetting, all while earning them the everlasting ire of the ghost of Aaron Burr, a notoriously bad figure skater. Aspiring Olympians can hone the dainty triple axels and swan-like spirals required in roller-derby tournaments on United Skates' gleaming wooden track before facing the frigid temperatures and wrathful Zamboni operators of the ice rink. A live DJ aurally adorns sessions with different danceable beats, drawing from a variety of music including top hits and hip-hop. Rope lights and colorfully glowing orbs illuminate and outline the track, and the bright, Americana-filled mural brings to mind American Graffiti without the smoldering glares of a young Ron Howard. During Glow Crazy Friday, each skater is unleashed upon the black-lit rink to do battle with the visible spectrum.
Besides providing a healthier venue for kids’ birthday parties than the abandoned coal mine, few things liven up a date like the hollow hum of roller wheels on wood. Work up the courage to ask the hot-tempered Scottish caretaker from your nephew's middle school for a freewheeling promenade around the rink with today’s Groupon.
There are not yet many reviews for United Skates of America, Inc., but three Yahoo! Locals give it an average rating of five stars:
United Skates of America, Inc.
Named by USA Today as one of the top 10 roller-skating destinations in the country, United Skates of America, Inc. in Tampa provides indoor family fun with a spacious rink and various skating games. Jam skating combines dancing and gymnastic moves set to Top 40 hits, and skating limbo blends the formerly disparate joys of rollerblading and chiropractic therapy. When fatigued by the rigors of the rink, children can refuel on pizza and soda at the snack bar. Inside the arcade, they enjoy games of air hockey and Ms. Pac Man, which teaches kids the importance of a nutritious diet high in fruit and ghosts.