Genies, like fathers, exist solely to give you everything you want. If you’re lucky enough to have a trapped benevolent soul in your life, here’s what you should ask for:

• An end to all crimes, except the ones you commit

• A car with a person in it, so you can always use the carpool lane or park in the loading zone of Staples if you're just going to be one second

• The ability to look at someone and know exactly why they’re crying

• A trip around the world to meet every dog

• To find true love so that you can destroy it and then write a really touching book about the whole thing

• Exactly one more wish