You can make improvements in your diet with easy substitutions that taste just as great as the originals:

• Instead of butter: use greek yogurt
  
• Instead of mayonnaise: use whole-grain bread
  
• Instead of cigarettes: smoke Tootsie Rolls
  
• Instead of committing crimes: commit charities
  
• Instead of eating poison: eat not poison
  
• Instead of having your ribs bruised by a donkey's kick: teach him to read
  
• Instead of greek yogurt: use wine