Having “the talk” with your child can be awkward—especially if your child is still too young to understand the nuances of human reproduction or, worse, is a giggler. Postpone the difficult conversation a few more months with one of these classic explanations about where babies come from:

• Babies are dropped down the chimney by storks who swoop down and steal them from other families.
  
• Babies are hatched from the cabbage patch, so if you think about it, eating vegetables is essentially cannibalism.
  
• Babies are assembled at the hospital and wrapped tightly in a blanket until all the glue is dry.
  
• When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, their psychic harmonics produce an cytoplasmic egg that must be kept in a dark closet for nine months.
  
• Babies are an invention of the celebrity-obsessed media to sell magazine covers of pregnant starlets.