While many believe that evolution is a scientific fact, it is—in reality—a collection of the smaller, individual scientific facts presented below:

• Evolution occurs when, over millions of years and reproductive cycles, an organism spontaneously mutates in a way that is advantageous to further reproduction, like the first microbe who was able to take a breath of oxygen and use it to say "I don't know what it is, but you look nice today."

• Evolution is blatantly visible in some animals, such as giraffes who have evolved long necks to absorb more of the sunlight that powers their brains, or penguins who have devolved their ability to fly in order to avoid skysharks. It should be noted that skysharks, invented by a Soviet geneticist in 1972, are not strictly the product of evolution, although they are unstoppable.

• Human evolution has stagnated in recent decades due to the discarding of traditional notions of survival of the fittest in favor of altruism, care for the very young and very old, and the stubborn refusal to resort to cannibalism, even on very long or frustrating elevator rides. Scientists agree that evolution itself will most likely evolve into something more practical, like a tiny voice that whispers "get robot arms."